Saturday 25 January 2014

Active Listening - Counselling



ACTIVE LISTENING

I.               One of the major qualities required for the Counselor is EMPATHY. It is expressed through the way s/he listens to the counselee.

A.   BASICEMPATHY

  1. Basic empathy involves listening to clients, understanding them and their concerns as best as we can, and communicating this understanding to them in such a way that they might understand themselves more fully and act on their understanding (Egan, 1998). 
  2. Empathy literally means:
a)     in the skin of
b)     in the shoes of
c)     in the same wavelength of the other
  1. Empathy has three parts:
a)     Counsellor’s accurate perception of the counselee’s world
b)     Counsellor’s accurate communication of that (through SOLER and paraphrase) to the counsellee
c)     Counselee’s perception of counsellor’s understanding of his world
  1. Empathy is not: PISC
a)      Parroting or not paraphrasing.
b)  Empathy is not interpreting.
c)  Not sympathy (show pity, condolence, being nice or compassion – good qualities, but)
d)     Not using clichés or advice

  1. Three types of empathy:
a)     Cognitive: leadership/business;
                       -Negatively: Narcissistic, Machiavellian, Sociopathic
b)     Emotional:
c)     Empathic concern
   II.             Listeningrefers to the ability of counsellors to capture and understand the messages clients communicate as they tell their stories, whether those messages are transmitted verbally or non-verbally.

B.    Active listening involves the following four skills:
  1. Listening to and understanding the client's verbal messages. The counsellor has to listen to the mix of experiences, behaviour and feelings the client uses to describe his or her problem situation. Also “hear” what the client is not saying.
  2. Listening to and interpreting the client's nonverbal messages. Counsellors need to learn how to “read” these messages without distorting or over-interpreting them.
  3. Listening to and understanding the client in context.
  4. Listening with empathy. The counsellor should put his or her own concerns aside to be fully “with” their clients.

C.   Active Listening put together as an acronym: BEPS:
a)  Body language:
b)  Encouraging to talk:
c)  Paraphrasing and
d)  Summarizing
     Orienting oneself physically and psychological
     Encourages the other person to talk
     Lets the client know you're listening
     Conveys empathy

D.    Empathy expressed as LISTEN and SOLER posture (used as an acronym means): 

1.      
LISTEN
2.      
Posture: SOLER
L:
     Look, eye contact, SOLER
S:
     Face the other Squarely
I:
     Inquire, probing, what?
O:
     Adopt an Open Posture
S:
     Summarize, paraphrase
L:
     Lean toward the other
T:
     Take notes, express
E:
     Make Eye Contact
E
     Express, encourage, nods
R:
     Be Relatively Relaxed
N:
     Neutralize, Be objective




  1. What are you listening to? Listening is the most important skill in counselling. It is the process of ‘hearing' the other person. Counsellors during Counselling Listen to:
Content and process, i.e. the words themselves and the way they are spoken. Listening is the most important skill in counselling. It is the process of ‘hearing’ the other person. Three aspects of listening:

  1. Linguistic: actual words, phrases and metaphors used to convey feelings.
  2. Paralinguistic: not words themselves but timing, accent, volume, pitch, etc.
  3. Non-verbal: ‘body language’ or facial expression, use of gestures, body position and movement, proximity or touch in relation to the counsellor

  1. BIASES in Listening:
Active listening is unfortunately not an easy skill to acquire. Counsellors should be aware of the following hindrances to effective listening:
  1. Inadequate listening: It is easy to be distracted from what other people are saying if one allows oneself to get lost in one's own thoughts or if one begins to think what one intends to say in reply.
  2. Evaluative listening: Most people listen evaluatively to others. This means that they are judging and labelling what the other person is saying as either right/wrong, good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable, relevant/irrelevant etc.
  3. Filtered listening: We tend to listen to ourselves, other people and the world around us through biased (often prejudiced) filters.
  4. Labels as filters: Diagnostic labels can prevent you from really listening to your client.
  5. Fact-centered rather than person-centered listening: Asking only informational or factual questions won't solve the client's problems. Listen to the client's whole context and focus on themes and core messages.
  6. Rehearsing: If you mentally rehearse your answers, you are also not listening attentively.
  7. Sympathetic listening: Although sympathy has it's place in human transactions, the “use” of sympathy is limited in the helping relationship because it can distort the counsellor's listening to the client's story.
  1. INADEQUATE LISTENING: Six Reasons: 
  1. Attraction: or non-attractive (tend to pay attention to your feeling and not what s/he is saying)
  2. Concerns: preoccupied with what preceded in your life (an argument or failure)
  3. Differences: his/her experience is very different from yours; lack of commonality can be distracting
  4. Over-eagerness: so eager to respond, you are pre-occupied with your response and not the counselee’s revelations
  5. Physical condition: tired, fatigue, ill (tune out some of the things s/he is saying)
  6. Similarity of problems: Your mind wanders to your situation and the ways in which you reacted to.

Wednesday 22 January 2014

Art and Importnce of Empathy - Videos




STRESS TEST - EXPLANATIONS

Courtesy Stress Management Society, UK
--------------------
IF YOU HAVE SCORED:

A. You have scored below 5:

Congratulations! you are a calm and relaxed individual who seems to enjoy a good lifestyle. There seem to be few hassles in your life and you do not seem vulnerable to stress. Your lifestyle is such that stress has a minimal impact on your wellbeing. You are managing your lifestyle effectively and efficiently. Make sure, though, that you are not trying so hard to avoid problems that you are shying away from challenges.

TRY THIS NOW:

Listen to your body

When you are tired, hungry or thirsty, do something about it. Also recognise stress and anger in your day and counter it immediately with a brisk walk, ten minutes in deep relaxation or whatever works for you.
 

**************

B. You have scored between 5 and 25

You have life in fairly good control. Your score indicates that you do still have a vulnerability to stress. This is an average score and indicates normal levels of stress. Your lifestyle is such that your body's "shock absorbers" can deal with stress in a healthy non-aggressive way.

Even so, watch out for potential hotspots.

Think carefully about the lifestyle choices you make, and take time to relax every day. Think of what changes you can make to your lifestyle to ensure that you are managing your stress.

Work on the choices and habits that could still be causing you some unnecessary stress in your life. Seek alternative ways to complete tasks that are currently causing stress or anxiety. Invest in some relaxation music and spend time in a peaceful environment.

TRY THIS NOW:

Get enough sleep.

Sleep is essential for the body to function properly. Sleeping pills are not necessary if you change your life-style. If you've habitually skimped on sleep, you probably won't even remember how it feels to wake up fully rested. Give it a go for a week and see if there's a difference in how you perform during the day.

Avoid nicotine, alcohol, caffeine and refined sugar products.

They are all stimulants, so therefore they cannot calm you down. If you're stressed, steer clear of them and keep yourself well-hydrated by drinking water instead.

**********

C. You have scored between 25 and 55

You are approaching the danger zone. You have a vulnerability to stress, and the higher your score the more serious the problem is. You may well be suffering stress related symptoms, your relationships may be strained and you may not be operating in your most resourceful state.

This score indicates that there are times when your life becomes extremely stressful. It would be useful to look at your lifestyle and identify what things cause you stress. Then you can work out how to reduce their impact.

Think carefully about the lifestyle choices you make, and take time to relax every day. Think of what changes you can make to your lifestyle to ensure that you are managing your stress.

TRY THIS NOW:

Work off stress with physical activity.

Pressure or anger releases adrenaline in the body. Exercise helps to reduce it, and produces 'good mood' substances in the brain. So go for a brisk walk around the block when you feel tense, and try some regular exercise after work.

Learn how to say 'no'.

Simple, but effective. Where a 'no' is the appropriate response, say it without guilt.

Manage your time.

Take one thing at a time. Don't overdo things. Create time buffers to deal with unexpected emergencies. And, recognise that your day to day problems and responsibilities are the things that cause stress in your life. Tackle them with a system that works for you.

A simple method is to:

     List the things that you need to do.
*     Put them in order of importance
*     Decide what you need to do yourself, and what can be delegated.
*     Decide which needs doing today, next week or next month
*     Decide what doesn't need doing after all, and drop it from the list..

Your mountain of tasks is now in some sort of order. This should help. The list used to control you. Now you control it. And you've lost the stress that it caused you.

Desk Yoga allows you to use these techniques in almost any situation - sitting in your office or car, travelling on the bus. They are so discreet, only you will know you're doing them. 

Alternate nostril breathing

Fold your index and middle finger (2nd and 3rd fingers) towards your palm on your right hand. Then place your left thumb under your right nostril to 'tap' it up. Inhale from the left nostril to the count of four. Gently pinch the left nostril with the right ring finger (4th finger) to the count of 16. And release your thumb and exhale through the right nostril for 8. Now inhale through the right nostril for 4. Hold for 16. Exhale through the left nostril for 8. Repeat for several minutes.

This exercise balances the brain's serotonin, the chemical that regulates happiness. The pattern of inhalation (4, 16, 8) means that the air is pushed down to the bottom of the lungs and more toxins are released on exhalation. You will feel relaxed after this exercise, particularly in the shoulder area, and may experience heightened perception.

Wipe off practice

If you feel people's negativity clinging to you, just wipe it away. Use energetic sweeping motions with your hands as if you were dusting yourself down to wipe it off your arms, torso, legs and especially off your head. As you wipe, say to yourself: 'I am getting rid of "XXX"'.
 

*************
D. You have scored over 55 

EMERGENCY!!! Your health and wellbeing is in serious danger! You have potentially a lot of stress in your life but few mechanisms to help you cope with it. You must stop now and immediately rethink how you are living, change your attitudes and pay careful attention to your diet, exercise and relaxation. This score indicates that you are experiencing damaging amounts of stress that if left unchecked will seriously affect your health, relationships and work efficiency. You will need to take charge of your lifestyle now. Learn to prioritise, delegate and to say 'no'. Step back and take time for yourself and ask what it is you want from life.

You are extremely vulnerable to stress and you must seek ways of alleviate the stress and pressure that you are being put under. You may wish to consider seeing a counselor or attending a workshop.  

TRY THIS NOW:

If you're ill, rest.

Don't just carry on regardless. Working will tire the body and prolong the illness. So recognise that you have limits and don't carry on as if you were firing on all cylinders.

Try some yoga

Yoga has been used for 5,000 years to tone the body, boost the immune system and calm the mind. Most importantly, it unlocks inner happiness, lifting your mood and leaving you feeling light and energised.

Desk Yoga allows you to use these techniques in almost any situation - sitting in your office or car, travelling on the bus. They are so discreet, only you will know you're doing them. 

Alternate nostril breathing

Fold your index and middle finger (2nd and 3rd fingers) towards your palm on your right hand. Then place your left thumb under your right nostril to 'tap' it up. Inhale from the left nostril to the count of four. Gently pinch the left nostril with the right ring finger (4th finger) to the count of 16. And release your thumb and exhale through the right nostril for 8. Now inhale through the right nostril for 4. Hold for 16. Exhale through the left nostril for 8. Repeat for several minutes.

This exercise balances the brain's serotonin, the chemical that regulates happiness. The pattern of inhalation (4, 16, 8) means that the air is pushed down to the bottom of the lungs and more toxins are released on exhalation. You will feel relaxed after this exercise, particularly in the shoulder area, and may experience heightened perception.

Wipe off practice

If you feel people's negativity clinging to you, just wipe it away. Use energetic sweeping motions with your hands as if you were dusting yourself down to wipe it off your arms, torso, legs and especially off your head. As you wipe, say to yourself: 'I am getting rid of "XXX"'.

STRESS TEST

(Directions: Place the number (0-4) in the first column (under "UR AN") corresponding to the word/phrase in the scales given below which best applies to you for each of the following statements in the Excel sheet. For statement No. 1: If you really have a balanced diet regularly, then choose "0" and type 0 for first statement on the first column (UR AN) of the excel sheet. Note down the final score at the bottom)
***************
Courtesy Stress Management Society, UK

Tuesday 14 January 2014

Conquer stress to keep New Year's resolutions

ANI | From Deccan Chronicle
     
A new research has shown that in order to tackle New Year's resolutions, people will have to counter their stress.
According to a new research, stress negatively impacts people's ability to lose weight, quit smoking and stick with a new healthy lifestyle change.
In The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living, Mayo Clinic stress management and resiliency expert Amit Sood, M.D., draws on decades of groundbreaking research to offer readers a scientifically proven, structured and practical approach to reducing stress.
 He explains the brain's two modes - focused mode and default mode - and how an imbalance between the two produces unwanted stress, and he shares newBook cover Mayo Clinic's Guide to Stress-Free Living, with female doing cartwheel insights about how the mind works, including its natural tendency to wander. 

Work-Life- Balance