9 Types of Students: Enneagram

Nine Types of Students: Check to see where you are:

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The Type One Student: The Serious Hard Worker

 

Motivation: to be good and correct

Focus: what's wrong (what's not as it should be)

Strategy: follow rules, standards, and principals so closely that they will meet all expectations 

Dynamic

• earnest, self-discipline
• very mature
• uncomfortable being spontaneous, playful, emotional

Learning Style

• attentive in class, take thorough notes
• want to know the rules
• learn in a logical, step by step manner
• meticulous attention to detail

Strong Work Ethic

• plan their studies
• dedicated to work, delay breaks
• great team players when everyone works hard

High Standards

• Inner Critic points out every mistake
• annoyed when they don't get things right
• exaggerate the importance of small errors
• may become perfectionistic

Order

• feel good when everything is in its place
• lists, schedules, and plans
• prefer classes calling for precision and correctness
• notice when the teacher is off track

Communication Style

• serious, unemotional voice
• clear, to the point, focused on topic
• strong convictions, morality, sometimes preachy
• often say "I should...."

Ideal Classroom

• values hard work, truth, fairness
• everyone is responsible, self-disciplined, conscientious
• rules are fair and reasonable, and consistently enforced
• well organized and work is well planned

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The Type Two Student: The People Pleasing Mentor 

Motivation: to be appreciated

Focus: other people and their needs

Strategy: earn appreciation by being kind to others

 Dynamic

• relationships and feelings
• class dynamics just as important to learning process as lesson content

Learning Style

• want emotional connection to the lesson
• focus on people and applications
• learn well from role models
• connect with passionate, joyful teachers

Adapting for Approval

• good grades
• volunteering around school
• track teachers' preferences and adapt to each
• may behave very differently in different classes

Human Contact

• mutual support in classroom community
• connect with other students
• group discussions, stories, shared experiences
• may be mentors, form study groups

Communication Style

• signs of affection, smile, eye contact
• make others feel accepted
• personal questions
• generous with compliments

Ideal Classroom

• values thoughtfulness, emotional connection
• group work and discussion
• positive, nurturing atmosphere
• small classroom
• beautifully appointed with a human touch

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The Type Three Student: The Star of the Class 

Motivation: to be successful

Focus: results and achievement

Strategy: to win the esteem of others 
 

Dynamic

• need to be the best
• "unproductive" feelings, close friendships less important than task on hand
• may become role models/ popular leaders

Learning Style

• desire to improve skill and ability
• reduce lesson to key concepts and results
• hands-on, experiential learning
• eager to jump into action

Driven to Excel

• challenge themselves
• work quickly, may cut corners to get done faster
• need to produce and achieve all the time

Reward System

• want to share their accomplishments
• may brag/ show off
• enjoy competition/ contests

Handling Failure

• sensitive to criticism
• keep quiet when not doing well
• turn failure into partial success
• avoid areas in which they know they won't excel

Communication Style

• natural charmers
• positive image
• motivating, can-do attitude
• prefer doing to talking about doing

Ideal Classroom

• values self-improvement, competency
• expectations clearly defined
• visible reward system
• hands-on, applications

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The Type Four Student: The Misunderstood Creative

 Motivation: to find a special and unique identity

Focus: what's missing

Strategy: withdraw from convention and get people to notice how I'm different 

Dynamic

• strong desire to express themselves creatively
• proud of uniqueness
• sometimes self-conscious about being left out
• often seek comfort in daydreams

Learning Style

• need personal, emotional connection to lesson content
• wait until the mood strikes to study
• pour their soul into their work
• very sensitive to criticism (personal rejection)

Creative Personal Touch

• their projects are a work of art
• want their work to be extraordinary (not ordinary)
• may be artistically inclined
• turn boring work into something beautiful

Individuality

• want special, meaningful experiences
• want each student's uniqueness recognized
• don't want to be compared with others

Communication

• emotional, dramatic flair
• personally revealing
• deep philosophical discussion
• focus on meaning, symbolism

Ideal Classroom

• values self-expression, creativity, emotional authenticity
• opportunities to personalize work
• unique ambience with meaningful decor
• outlets to explore creativity and mood

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The Type Five Student: The Intellectual Outsider

 Motivation: to be competent and intelligent

Focus: what they know and do well

Strategy: withdraw from the world to study it

 Dynamic

• prefer spending time on their own
• socially uncomfortable
• prefer to observe instead of participate

Learning Style

• learn best through observation (lecture, books)
• comprehension before participation
• satisfaction with full comprehension of a topic
• analysis, finding patterns, speculation, analysis paralysis

Solitude

• enjoy time alone
• need time to think
• don't like pressure of close supervision, thinking on their feet

Introversion and Intrusion

• active minds full of ideas and concepts
• feel safe in the mind
• feel clumsy in the outside world
• seek to reduce intrusion of their space

Concentration

• strong ability to focus
• hate concentration being interrupted
• prefer depth of knowledge to breadth of knowledge

Communication Style

• usually quiet and reserved
• very talkative while discussing topics of great person interest (or mastery)
• factual, unemotional
• think lots before speaking

Ideal Classroom

• values knowledge, originality, curiosity
• topics are explored individually and in depth
• ample quiet time
• intellectual discussions

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 The Type Six Student: The Questioning Friend

 

Motivation: to be supported and secure

Focus: uncertainties, risks, dangers, the unknown

Strategy: seek guidance from those they trust

 Dynamic

• sometimes hardworking, responsible, loyal
• sometimes ambivalent, doubting, unreliable
• commitment level depends on how much they trust
• behaviour reacts to trust and anxiety

Learning Style

• questions, questions, questions
• detailed, rational analysis
• prefer structure, framework, justified rules
• good at finding problems or deviations

In Prof We Trust

• initially wary of teachers and their authority
• question inconsistencies, assumptions
• seek to understand teacher's experience, bias, preferences

Certainty and Commitment

• uncertainty breeds anxiety, worry
• want to observe first, get assumptions out of the way before participating
• over-questioning leads to analysis paralysis
• self-doubt leads to procrastination

Communication

• gregarious and likeable
• sceptical, cautionary, ask questions, play devil's advocate
• "yes, but", "the problem here is..."
• often nervous speaking in front of others

Ideal Classroom

• values of social support, reliability, responsibility
• atmosphere of trust
• predictable, structured
• questions are welcomed and answered

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The Type Seven Student: The Cheerleader

 

Motivation: to be happy and fulfilled

Focus: the positive

Strategy: seek happiness/ excitement in the world around them

 Dynamic

• pump their positive energy into the classroom
• learning is exploration and novelty
• joking, talkative, entertaining

Learning Style

• learn quickly
• learn by association
• mental exploration and experimentation
• can jump into the middle of things without needing the big picture

Ideas

• prolific brainstormers
• see connection between ideas
• connections may take them on tangents
• can synthesize disparate ideas together

Multitasking

• enjoy variety
• become distracted when things slow down
• dislike routine, predictability
• keep plans open-ended

Communication

• talkative, enthusiastic
• converse in a free association
• nonlinear, go off on tangents

Ideal Classroom

• values enthusiasm, spontaneity, openness
• fast paced, dynamic, interactive
• full of positive energy
• free of constraints and limitations

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The Type Eight Student: The Challenger

 

Motivation: to protect themselves and be in control

Focus: power and justice

Strategy: assert their independence

Dynamic

 

protect themselves

• protect those too weak to protect themselves
• take charge
• test fairness of the teacher

Learning Style

• independent, minimal supervision
• want to get their hands dirty
• enjoy class discussions, especially debates
• prefer the practical to theory

Rules and Autonomy

• rules are seen a limit to independence
• unfair rules are challenged
• unenforced rules "don't exist"
• push boundaries

Intensity

• intensity makes Eights feel alive and real
• work with energy while work is challenging
• when bored, tend to look for trouble

The Truth

• uncomfortable accepting new ideas passively
• need to challenge what they learn, seek proof to back it up
• can be change their mind if challenged by a stronger argument

Communication Style

• direct, brutal, honest truth
• state opinion as fact
• hate when they can't add their opinion to class discussions
• precocious with profanity

Ideal Classroom

• authority, confidence, and vision
• high engagement atmosphere of bold action
• vigorous debates
• fair class rules

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The Type Nine Student: The Accommodating Companion

 

Motivation: to be at peace

Focus: other people's point of view

Strategy: deny own wants and opinions to accommodate others

 

Dynamic

• easy-going, good-natured, well behaved students
• go with the flow
• cooperative, supportive
• optimistic, seek consensus

Learning Style

 

• immersion
• experiential exercises, physical movement
• repetition
• routine, predictability, structure

Big Picture

 

• all parts fit together in a harmonious way
• try to relate new information into the big picture
• sometimes hard to know which pieces are important or not

Passive

 

hard to prioritize work, it will get done when it gets done

• low stress, little conflict
• high energy environment can be draining
• may take frequent breaks, tune out

NINE

NINES (“The Peacemaker”) – “I always procrastinate when I get around to it”
NINES are motivated by the need to keep the peace, to merge with others, and to avoid Conflict.  Since they, especially, take on qualities of the other eight types, NINES have many variations in their personalities, from gentle and mile-mannered to independent and forceful.
NINES at their BEST are pleasant, peaceful, generous, patient, receptive, diplomatic, open-minded, empathic. NINES at their WORST are spaced-out, forgetful, stubborn, obsessive, apathetic, passive-aggressive, judgmental, unassertive

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don’t like expectations or pressure; I like to listen and to be of service, but don’t take advantage of this; Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit; Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It’s OK to nudge me gently and non-judgmentally; Ask me questions to help me get clear; tell me when you like how I look I’m not averse to flattery; Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings; I like a good discussion but not a confrontation; Let me know you like what I’ve done or said; Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

RELATIONSHIPS:
NINES at their BEST are kind, gentle, reassuring, supportive, loyal, and nonjudgmental. NINES at their WORST at stubborn, passive-aggressive, unassertive, overly accommodating, and defensive.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A NINE;
• Being nonjudgmental and accepting
• Caring for and being concerned about others
• Being able to relax and have a good time
• Knowing that most people enjoy my company; I’m easy to be around
• My ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
• My heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
• Being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe.

WHAT IS HARD ABOUT BEING A NINE:
• Being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
• Being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
• Being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
• Being confused about what I really want
• Caring too much about what others will think of me
• Not being listened to or taken seriously

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR A NINE;
• Take the first step to change a situation that isn’t right, instead of hoping that things will change by themselves
• Ask others to join you in your interests rather than always going along with theirs
• Bring up your problems when talking with others rather than only listening to others
• Instead of answering, “I don’t know” or “Whatever you want is fine with me,” say, “I’ll let you know when I decide.”
• Tell people when you want to be alone.
• Express your opinions and your feelings. Learn to rock the boat a little
• Learn to become aware of, and then appropriately express, your anger

EIGHT

EIGHTS   (“The Asserter” “The Chief”) – “Never go to bed mad – stay up all and fight!”
EIGHTS are motivated by the need to be self-reliant and strong and to avoid feeling weak or dependent
EIGHTS at their BEST are direct, authoritative, loyal, energetic, earthy, protective, self-confident.
EIGHTS at their WORST are controlling rebellious, insensitive, domineering, self-centered, skeptical, and aggressive.

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
Stand up for yourself . . . .and me; Be confident, strong, and direct; Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust; be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side; give me space to be alone; acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me; I often speak in an assertive way. Don’t automatically assume it’s a personal attack; When I scream, curse, an stomp around, try to remember that’s just the way I am.

RELATIONSHIPS:
EIGHTS at their BEST are loyal, caring, positive, playful, truthful, straightforward, committed, generous, and supportive. EIGHTS at their WORST are demanding, arrogant, combative, possessive, uncompromising, and quick to find fault.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING AN EIGHT:
• Being independent and self-reliant
• Being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
• Being courageous, straightforward, and honest
• Getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
• Supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
• Upholding just causes

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING AN EIGHT:
(Women EIGHTS sometimes have a hard time in our society because their strength and boldness re considered “masculine” traits.)
• Overwhelming people with my bluntness, scaring them away when I don’t intend to
• Being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence
• Sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it.
• Never forgetting injuries or injustices
• Putting too much pressure on myself
• Getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when things don’t go right

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR EIGHTS:
• Resist dismissing or invalidating the other’s experience or views
• Beware that when you are “direct” you may unintentionally intimidate others
• Express your appreciation out loud and often
• Avoid driving others as hard as you drive yourself
• Remember that sparring is stimulating to EIGHTS but not to most other types
• Learn to negotiate.
• Talk out your anger in therapy or discuss it with a supportive friend
• Surround yourself with people who respect your direct approach and are honest with you
• Make time for enjoyable creative or physical activities
• Find others to have fun with who accept and enjoy your outrageous nonconforming behavior

SEVEN

SEVENS (“The Materialist” ‘The Generalist” “The Adventurer”) – “You only live once – but if you work it right, once is enough”
SEVENS are motivated by the need to be happy and plan enjoyable activities, to contribute to the world, and to avoid suffering and pain.
SEVENS at their BEST are fun-loving, spontaneous, imaginative, productive, enthusiastic, quick, confident, charming, curious.
SEVENS at their WORST are narcissistic, impulsive, unfocused, rebellious, undisciplined, possessive, manic, self-destructive, restless

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME;
Give me companionship, affection and freedom; engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter; appreciate my grand visions, and listen to my stories; don’t’ try to change my style. Accept me the way I am; be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people; don’t tell me what to do.
RELATIONSHIPS: SEVENS at their BEST are lighthearted, generous, outgoing, caring, and fun. They introduce their friends and loved ones to new activities and adventures.  Sevens at their WORST  are narcissistic, opinionated, defensive, and distracted. They are often ambivalent about being tied down to a relationship.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A SEVEN:
• Being optimistic and not letting life’s troubles get me down
• Being spontaneous and free-spirited
• Being outspoken and outrageous. It’s part of the fun
• Being generous and trying to make the world a better place
• Having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
• Having such varied interests and abilities

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING A SEVEN;
• Not having enough time to do all the things I want
• Not completing things I start
• Not being able to profit form the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
• Having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
• Feeling confined when I’m in a one-to-one relationship

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR A SEVEN;
• Cultivate healthy habits of eating, sleeping, and exercise.
• Take up an exercise program
• Be careful not to eat, drink, or spend to excess when you are stressed
• Be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you want
• Don’t tune out problems, hoping they will go away. Find a friend or counselor to talk with so stress doesn’t build.
• Remove your rose-colored glasses and take into account the dark or negative side of life for reality and balance. Realize that positive thinking won’t solve every problem.
• Accept feelings, trusting they will pass
• Ask others what they want; sevens often don’t realize they are self-centered
• Don’t expect others to keep up with your fast pace
• Find a career where you can put your ideals into practiced

SIX

SIXES (“The QUESTIONER” “THE LOYALIST”) “I’VE DEVELOPED A NEW PHILOSOPHY – I ONLY DREAD ONE DAY AT A TIME”
SIXES are motivated by the need for security. Phobic SIXES are outwardly fearful and seek approval. Counter-phobic SIXES confront their fear. Both of these aspects can appear in the same person.
SIXES at their BEST are loyal, likable, caring, warm, compassionate, witty, practical, helpful, responsible.
SIXES at their WORST are hyper-vigilant, controlling, unpredictable, judgmental, paranoid, defensive, rigid, self-defeating, testy

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
Be direct and clear; Listen to me carefully; don’t judge me for my anxiety; work things through with me; reassure me that everything is OK; laugh and make jokes with me; GENTLY push me toward new experiences; try not to overreact to my overreacting.

RELATIONSHIPS:
SIXES at their BEST are warm, playful, open, loyal, supportive, honest, fair, and reliable.
SIXES at their WORST are suspicious, controlling, inflexible, and sarcastic. They either withdraw or put on a tough act when threatened.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A SIX:
• Being committed and faithful to family and friends
• Being responsible and hardworking
• Being compassionate towards others
• Having intellect and wit
For Counter-phobics:
• Being a nonconformist
• Confronting danger bravely
WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING A SIX:
• The constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
• Procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
• Fearing being abandoned or take advantage of
• Exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
• Wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
• Being too critical of myself when I haven’t lived up to my expectations

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR SIXES:
• Try to be around people who are accepting, trustworthy, and encouraging
• Really notice and try to believe the positive things that people say about you
• Keep I mind that you CAN change and overcome your fears and learn to take action in the presence of fear
• Remember that there is no one “right” way to live, as long as you are satisfied inside yourself with what you are doing
• Pat yourself on the back. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you  that you did well.
• Write and talk to yourself in nurturing and caring ways
• Remember it is OK to make mistakes
• Sixes are likely to overreact when stressed. Don’t underestimate the negative effect this can have on people.
• Be patient when others moved at their own pace rather than at yours

FIVE

FIVES: (“The Observer” “ The Thinker”) “ You can observe a lot just by watching”
FIVES are motivated by the need to know and understand everything, to be self-sufficient, and to avoid looking foolish.
FIVES at their BEST are: analytical, persevering, sensitive, wise, objective, perceptive, self-contained.
FIVES at their WORST are: intellectually arrogant, stingy, stubborn, distant, critical of others, unassertive, negative

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
Be independent, not clingy; Speak in a straightforward and brief manner; I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts; Remember that if I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it MAY be that I am feeling uncomfortable; Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity; If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place; Don’t come on like a bulldozer; Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people’s loud music; overdone emotions and intrusions on my privacy.

RELATIONSHIPS:
FIVES at their BEST are kind, perceptive, open-minded, self-sufficient and trustworthy. FIVES at their WORST are contentious, suspicious, withdrawn, and negative. They are on their guard against being engulfed.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A FIVE:
• Standing back and viewing life objectively
• Coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
• My sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
• Not being caught up in material possessions and status
• Being calm in a crisis

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING A FIVE:
• Being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
• Feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
• Being pressured to be with people when I don’t want to be
• Watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally
• Having trouble expressing some of my thoughts succinctly

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR THE FIVE:
• Take risks and speak up, even if you fear appearing foolish. Emulate some others yo know what are not afraid to put their foot in their mouth
• Become more active by taking up creative or sports activities
• Value being in the present
• Go for psychotherapy or body work to learn to express your feelings
• Let others know when they are important to you
• When you feel the tendency to give to others, go ahead and do it.
• Ask for what you want, including the setting of limits

FOUR

FOURS (“The Romantic” “The Artist”) – “I can stand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days”
FOURS are motivated by the need to experience their feelings and to be understood, to search for the meaning of life, and to avoid being ordinary.
FOURS at their BEST are: warm, compassionate, introspective, expressive, creative, intuitive, supportive, refined.
FOURS at their WORST are: depressed, self-conscious, guilt-ridden, moralistic, withdrawn, stubborn, moody, self-absorbed.

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me; Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself; Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision; Though I don’t always want to be cheered up when I’m feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little; Don’t tell me I’m too sensitive or that I’m overreacting!

RELATIONSHIPS:
Fours at their BEST are empathic, supportive, gentle, playful, passionate, and witty. They are self-revealing and bond easily. Fours at their WORST are too self-absorbed, jealous; emotionally needy, moody, self-righteous, and overly critical. They become hurt and feel rejected easily.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A FOUR;
• My ability to find meaning in life and to experience feelings at a deep level
• My ability to establish warm connections with people
• Admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• My creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• Being unique and being seen as unique by others
• Having aesthetic sensibilities
• Being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

WHAT IS HARD ABOUT BEING A FOUR:
• Experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
• Feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don’t deserve to be loved
• Feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• Feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
• Expecting too much from myself and life
• Fearing being abandoned
• Obsessing over resentments
• Longing for what I have

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS:
• Be proud of all your special gifts, talents, and accomplishments
• Work toward fulfilling the needs that were not met in your childhood. Treat yourself lovingly and compassionately
• Devote yourself to the task of self-discipline
• Find ways to make everyday duties and responsibilities creative or playful
• Commit yourself to creative work that will bring out the best in you.
• Be direct and specific about stating what you want and don’t want
• Be careful not to blow what others say out of proportion
• Develop a strong support system of friends, rather than relying on only one to meet all your emotional needs.

THREE

THREES:  (The Achiever; The Worker) “Work is more than fun.”
THREES at their BEST are: optimistic, confident, industrious, efficient, self-propelled, energetic, practical.
THREES at their WORST are: deceptive, narcissistic, pretentious, vain, superficial, vindictive, overly-competitive.

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
 Leave me alone when I am doing my work; Give me honest, but not unduly critical or judgmental feedback; Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful; Don’t burden me with negative emotions; Tell me you like being around me; Tell me when you’re proud of me or my accomplishments.

RELATIONSHIPS:
THREES are at their BEST when they value and accept their partners. They are playful, giving, responsible, and well regarded by others in the community. THREES are at their WORST when they are preoccupied with work and projects. They are self-absorbed, defensive, impatient, dishonest, and controlling.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A THREE:
• Being optimistic, friendly, and upbeat
• Providing well for my family
• Being able to recover quickly from setbacks and to charge ahead into the next challenge
• Staying informed, knowing what’s going on
• Being competent and able to get things to work efficiently
• Being able to motivate people

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING A THREE:
• Having to put up with inefficiency and incompetence
• The fear of not being – or of not being seen as – successful
• Comparing myself to people who do things better
• Struggling to hang on to my success
• Putting on facades in order to impress people
• Always being “on”. It’s exhausting

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS;
• Make the time for doing some of the activities you value aside form work or school
• Reduce stress by appreciating and accepting your present level of success
• Try to become more aware of your real desires and preferences
• When writing your weekly schedule, include time for hanging out with friends and family
• Do volunteer work, where you give to others purely for the sake of giving.
• Try to stick to who you really are. Threes sometimes try to win people over by changing colors like a chameleon
• Notice undesirable traits in yourself.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable: express your hurt and disappointment

TWO

TWOS: The helper “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for, I don’t know”
 TWOS are motivated by their need to be loved and valued and to express their positive feelings toward others. Traditionally, society has encouraged TWO qualities in females more than in males.
TWOS at their BEST are: loving, caring, adaptable, insightful, generous, enthusiastic, tuned into how people feel.
TWOS at their WORST are: martyr-like, indirect, manipulative, possessive, hysterical, overly accommodating, overly demonstrative.

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific; Share fun times with me. Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours. Let me know that I am important and special to you. Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

RELATIONSHIPS:
TWOS at their best are attentive, appreciative, generous, warm, playful, and nurturing. TWOS make their partners feel special and loved. TWOS at their worst are controlling, possessive, needy, and insincere. Since they have trouble asking directly, they tend to manipulate to get what they want.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A TWO:
• Being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• Knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• Being generous, caring, and warm
• Being sensitive to and perceptive about others’ feelings
• Being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING A TWO:
• Not being able to say no
• Having low self-esteem
• Feeling drained form overdoing for others
• Not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• Criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• Being upset that others don’t tune in to me as much as I tune into them
• Working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS:
• Engage in some activities that give you pleasure and satisfaction but that do not involve being with others
• Exercise, meditate, and walk alone to bring the focus back to yourself
• Re-parent your inner child by talking to yourself in a nurturing and loving ways, as you would to a real child.
• Give yourself some of the attention and pampering that you usually give to others.
• Go to a counselor regularly to learn how to discuss your own problems.
• Value the love that is in your life instead of focusing on what’s missing
• Set limits: “No, this is not a good time.”
• Get in touch with your angry feelings.
• Go slowly when entering a new relationship. Get information. Be objective
• Don’t rescue people. Allow others to be responsible for their own behavior.
• Try to be your own person, not the one others want you to be.
• Refrain from automatically offering help and giving advice; wait until asked

ONE

ENNEAGRAM:  SHORT EXPLANATIONS

ONES: (The Judge; Perfectionist)  “Thou Shalt Not “Should” on Thyself”
ONES at their BEST are: ethical, reliable, productive, wise, idealistic, fair, honest, orderly, self-disciplined.
ONES at their WORST are: judgmental, inflexible, dognatic, obsessive-compulsive, critical of others, overly-serious, controlling, anxious, jealous.


HOW TO GET ALONG WITH ME:
Take your share of the responsibility so I don’t end up with all the work; Acknowledge my achievements; I’m hard on myself, reassure me that I’m fine the way I am; Tell me that you value my advice; Be fair and considerate as I am; Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive. Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh a myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

RELATIONSHIPS:

ONES at their best are loyal, dedicated, conscientious, and helpful. They are well-balanced and have a good sense of humor.
ONES at their worst are critical, argumentative, nit-picking, and uncompromising. The have high expectations of others.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A ONE:
• Being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
• Working hard to make the world a better place
• Having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
• Being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
• Being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
• Being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING A ONE:
• Being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
• Feeling burdened by too much responsibility
• Thinking that what I do is never good enough
• Not being appreciated for what I do for people
• Being upset because others aren’t trying as hard as I am
• Obsessing about what I did or what I should do
• Being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

SELF-NURTURING TECHNIQUES FOR ONES:
• Spend some time each day doing recreational activities you enjoy
• Give yourself special treats regularly (flowers, bubble baths, etc)
• Accentuate the importance of humor in your life. Memorize jokes, collect cartoons, watch comedy shows
• Become aware of what you want and learn to ask for it (even for whims)
• Avoid the word “should”. Change the “should” sentence to “I WANT to..” or I
DON’T WANT to…”
• Take a a class in and practice stress reduction, meditation, yoga.
• Pat yourself on the back for allowing yourself to have one helter-skelter drawer, closet, or room.
• Take vacations to get away from work and compulsive doing.